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May 15 2018

Vanity, Patriarchy, and Futility: Death Becomes Her

Robert Zemeckis’ Death Becomes Her is an ode to the perils of mortal sin. The 1992 cult classic is far more than just a vehicle for Bruce Willis’ moustache: one could argue that it also performs an incisive takedown of man’s desire to earn the notice of a patriarchal God. via Pocket

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Dorothea Viehmann memorials, Niederzwehren, Kassel, Germany

The Brothers Grimm did not invent the fairy tales by themselves. In fact, the brothers were germanists and ethnologists, and their collection of fairy tales started as a scientific collection. They were told many of the tales by Dorothea Viehmann, who lived in the village of Niederzwehren near the town of Kassel where the Grimms spent a couple of years. Viehmann was the daughter of an innkeeper from the village of Rengershausen. The inn was located at the important trade route from Hamburg to Frankfurt, and many wagoners from all regions of Germany and Europe stopped by. In the evenings while having dinner or enjoying a beer, they told many stories and fairy tales, and young Dorothea kept them word by word. In fact, the Brothers Grimm were astonished how this lady was able to repeat the stories over and over with the exact same wording. The Grimm’s obtained at least 21 tales from Dorothea Viehmann. Her home is preserved, a memorial near the center of the village was installed in 2009, and a memorial stone indicates the probable site of her grave.

medically accurate muscle chart:






As someone who works in therapy for a living, I can confirm this is 100% accurate


For Traitor: neck retraction exercise. While lying in bed with your head flat against the mattress, give yourself the biggest double chin you can. Repeat 10 times.

For Jackass: stop hiking your shoulders up to your ears. This is pretty much a stress thing, it’s human instinct to protect our neck when we’re under stress so that predators can’t get at it. Easiest way to do that is be elevating the shoulders, so. Periodically take not of where your shoulders are at.

Absolute Fuckwaffle: stretch out your chest. The rhomboids on the back work to keep our shoulder blades back, so when we’re hunched forward they are constantly straining to do their job. Unfortunately it’s not as simple as telling you to stand up straight, since our pectorals get chronically tight and prevent us from doing so. Step one: pectoral stretches. Hold for at least 20 seconds.

Asshole: Superman exercises. Like the rhomboids, the ESGs are straining against the slump. Stretching the chest will help them, too, but then you e got to strengthen your back. Do 20 of those per day.

traitor tried to murder me last night and fuckwaffle is always up on my shit

I’m gonna try these tips

April 12 2018

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space uncle

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m y s t e r y 

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sorry this tweet is just Very Good and im glad




One time I was playing the sims and I wanted to make me and mike but I wanted to make us separately and have us meet. But when I moved into my house, I had this sexy ass neighbor. I figured I could have a fling with him and break it off and get with Mike later but then the neighbors kid got attached to me and I couldn’t just end it when I was so close to his daughter. I really cared about him too.

So the only thing I could do was have it end in tragedy. That way I wouldn’t have to break up with the guy and I could adopt his daughter to stay close to her. He passed away peacefully on fire in the kitchen. Now in previous games, when a kid is taken away by CPS, the next kid you adopt is the same kid. Welp that didn’t carry over into sims 4 so the daughter ended up being taken away and erased from the game by the great sims deity.

I’m a sentimental man, so I kept neighbor mans tombstone around. I’d occasionally chat with his ghost, but he seemed cold to me. I can’t help but thinking he was a bit mad his daughter no longer existed. But this escalated once I started seeing Mike. His ethereal visits became more frequent and more hostile, usually breaking my electronics or creating a mess. But he went overboard when he started the fire.

Being a sim the died in a fire, his ghost had certain abilities specific to his death (setting fires). He got pissed because I kissed Mike so he set my couch on fire that ended up barricading us in the bedroom. Now I couldn’t find the fire alarm in buy mode and I hadn’t had the foresight to predict my spiteful ghost died-in-a-fire ex boyfriend would be an afterlife arsonist to care about it that much so a lot of the house had burned by the time I could get the FD there.

After having almost nothing covered by insurance (thanks Obama), Mike sat me down to have a talk with me. While I couldn’t understand him, I imagine he said “What the fuck you need to deal with your crazy ass ex boyfriend ghost. This never would have happened if you weren’t a thirst little sim bitch and dated me first.”

I approached the grave. It was time to release him. He was waiting for me. He knew this was the end. That after this, there was no coming back from the afterlife. I know he tried to kill me, and he knows I got his daughter deleted, but at that moment, it was just like old times. Telling each other jokes 27 times in a row until he would have sex with me.

We had a final ghostly embrace and he was gone. I sold his tombstone for 300 bucks and bought a microwave.

I enjoyed this more than the last season of AHS

“He died peacefully on fire in the kitchen.”

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Chasm - the castlevania-esque action adventure platformer - will be released this summer for PC, PS4 and Vita (as mentioned in the new Trailer and on the PlayStation Blog)

It’s sooooo beautiful.

April 10 2018

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April 09 2018

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here are my thoughts

April 04 2018

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late night me and morning me don’t share the same brain







i really love our generation’s joke trend of like, very calm but incredibly inflated hyperbole. like nobody says “oh she’s pretty” anymore we say “i would willingly let her murder me” and everyone is just like “lol same”

i think “same” is also great and “me,” i love when somebody reblogs a picture of like, a lizard, and just says “me” and we all know exactly what they mean. the current online Humor Discourse is remarkable because we trade exclusively in metaphors and implications and nobody ever, ever says anything outright and yet EVERYBODY understands each other perfectly

#ppl are gonna write their dissertations on this shit (x)

// @antlered-kitten

This reminds me of the time when I was on vacation with my family and we were hiking, and after using a rest stop, the conversation turned to the grossness of outhouses and port-a-potties, and I said that if I ever got splashback from a port-a-potty, “my soul would depart my body.” My parents found that hilarious, and my dad commented that my generation can be so clever with words bc he would only think to say something like “It would be disgusting” which doesn’t convey the sentiment nearly as well as “my soul would depart my body.”

Adjacent but relevant is Tia Baheri’s “Your Ability to Can Even: A Defense of Internet Linguistics”

I find this so intriguing because it opens up so many possibilities for future writers to connect with their readers.









If a movie has the military in it, it is military propaganda.

is it possible to portray the military in movies without military involvement?

Not as far as I know.

What if the whole point of the movie is taking down the military

Then it won’t get released, and to be clear we’re talking about the us military here

just wanted to back this up with an in-depth article on the subject

“These documents for the first time demonstrate that the US government has worked behind the scenes on over 800 major movies and more than 1,000 TV titles.”

We living in a police state lol

A similar influence is exerted over military-supported TV, which ranges from Hawaii Five-O to America’s Got Talent, Oprah and Jay Leno to Cupcake Wars, along with numerous documentaries by PBS, the History Channel and the BBC. 

So the military controls the contents of documentaries as well


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“The trouble is that we have a bad habit, encouraged by pedants and sophisticates, of considering happiness as something rather stupid. Only pain is intellectual, only evil interesting. This is the treason of the artist; a refusal to admit the banality of evil and the terrible boredom of pain.”

— Ursula K. Le Guin, The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas (via quoted-books)

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This is wrong on so many levels.


April 01 2018


Guess who ate, then un-ate, what must have been most of a sock today?

It wasn’t even a good sock.

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That’s it. This is it. This is the ultimate level of shitposting. Everybody can go home now





tv shows with time travel organizations/bureaus/police/agencies/whatever should have a department with instead of a tech genius eating candy, it’s a harried seamstress or fashion designer who is like

“1450 italy? does it look like I have the time to dye you wool? nO. YOU’RE GOING TO THE 1980s”

and throws shoulder pads at the hapless time agent

“I literally made three- THREE- 18th century corsets last week. You can wait until one of them gets back, or you can go sometime post-1920s, because if I have to sew one more god damn channel I will literally lose my mind.”

“Upper middle class?!?!? You told me upper class! FUCK YEAH THERE’S A DIFFERENCE!!!

“How about kimoNO.”

“Look me in the eyes. I do not care what you want. This is the 1500s. You absolutely cannot wear trousers.”

“Another court gown?? Here’s a novel idea: go as a peasant for once in your life. Why do you do this to me? You’re fucking sadists that’s why.”

“Don’t mind me, I’ll just be up all night hand painting silk.”


I want this.


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